How To Compliment A Girl Who Doesnt Need Makeup
A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook asking for resources to learn how to better apply her makeup. This friend is a lovely, radiant, confident immature woman, so I was pretty irked when I saw over one-half the replies were some variation on "yous look so much better without makeup!" and "you lot don't need it! You're cute without it!". I presume these remarks were made with good intentions, simply as somebody who has devoted a pretty large office of her recent life to cosmetics, I hear these sorts of things a lot, and I'm ill of it. Here's why.
I'd like to boot this off by creating a bit of a metaphor; makeup is a lot similar alcohol. It's non-essential, only something a lot of people really savour. They can be item well-nigh certain types (a certain vintage scotch, a sure eyeliner), and associate it with different types of events and seasons (champagne on New year's, vivid lipstick in the summer). The use of these substances tin exist indicative of deeper bug (alcoholism, cripplingly depression self-esteem), but in the vast majority of "users", there is no sinister underlying cause; just enjoyment.
Imagine you told somebody about a bang-up new beer or cocktail yous'd recently tried, and instead of saying "that sounds delicious" or "we should go potable some together one-time", they said "you know, you lot don't need alcohol to be happy." You lot are probable so well aware of this that it hadn't even occurred to y'all; that's not why you liked that beer. And then, when the person you're trying to share something y'all're excited almost with immediately assumes you have some sort of deep-seated problem with alcohol, well—that'south kind of insulting. Y'all aren't an alcoholic, you don't apply booze in backlog to escape your life, so to have that be the primary assumption whenever y'all endeavor to spread the news about the awesome new chocolate porter you tried final week… it's upsetting. It sucks to realize that your friends remember you have a substance problem with admittedly no evidence other than the fact that y'all enjoy alcohol and tried to share that enjoyment with them.
So, when an attempt to hash out makeup as something you bask is met with "you lot're beautiful without information technology!", it seems like that person assumes you are unhappy with manner you lot look, take awful self-esteem, and are using makeup to bolster your self esteem and hide your perceived ugliness. Plainly pretty much nobody has so little tact as to say exactly that, and then they attempt to pay you an awkward compliment in some sort of misguided endeavor to accost the "trouble" they assume yous have, merely considering you desire to improve your cat eye or bought (or made!) a wicked new lippy. And that's just equally insulting as somebody bold y'all are an alcoholic because you happen to like scotch.
Also: makeup does, typically, brand you look meliorate (just similar drinking booze does, typically, improve your mood—even if that'south not the sole reason you're consuming information technology). When makeup is applied well, your complexion looks more even and radiant, and it's about undetectable. So, when people assert you lot look better without information technology, that'due south typically untrue, and often a fleck ignorant. That person may not really care most (or notice) your blotchy complexion or that zit on your mentum, just objectively speaking, and for the vast bulk of people, makeup is improving the state of affairs. To refer back to my friend on Facebook—information technology turns out one of the people telling her she was more beautiful without makeup had never actually seen her without it on, and so what did they know? Perhaps they had visions of ham-it-up manner stage makeup dancing in their head, but their ignorance was definitely showing with their whole "trust me, you wait better without it" bulletin.
The "trust me, I remember y'all're more than beautiful without information technology" remark is perhaps even more irksome because information technology addition to the "I think you lot have awful self esteem" undercurrents, that remark says "my opinion well-nigh how you expect matters more than your own". Sod off. Information technology's equally if I said "I'k going to make myself an egg salad sandwich for lunch" and you replied "egg salad is disgusting, trust me, y'all should have tuna instead". I don't care. It'south my lunch. I was no fan of Amy Winehouse's crazy true cat (mountain lion? It was seriously large!) eyeliner, but that was her thing, and more power to her. Whatever. My stance is completely irrelevant in that situation, but equally some Facebook friend who wants to tell me that they recollect I am more than beautiful without makeup, that they think my pants are too bright of a colour, or that I'd look better with brusk hair. Nobody asked them. My body, my face, my style, my aesthetic. My egg salad sandwich.
I have a few theories as to why makeup is subjected to this sort of "you must take a problem" group-think. First off, information technology's primarily a women'due south involvement, meaning a sizeable portion of the population doesn't use makeup. If y'all don't employ makeup (or don't savour using information technology), I can definitely see how it would look like a large chore—similar to how I view vehicle maintenance. Oil changes and the like are something I have no interest in doing and would rather pay somebody else to do. I do sympathize, however, that some people really enjoy these activities, so saying something like "don't you know you can pay somebody to practice that for you?" is a really rude thing to say when somebody tells you excitedly that they've just changed their oil for the first fourth dimension.
Another theory is that so much of cosmetic marketing is designed to casualty on insecurities that it'due south easy to start to call up people with crippling insecurities are the just people who would be interested—that anybody with sturdier self esteem wouldn't autumn casualty to such marketing crap. I've institute that if you're actually interested in makeup, many smaller (and/or premium) brands don't market this style—it's but the big ones that can beget to hire Olivia Wilde and airbrush her within an inch of her life, just those are the ones that are the most visible.
My grandmother'southward generation (or my grandmother, at least) was very much of the "look good for your homo" thought train—that you weren't put together without lipstick and curls. That'southward certainly not my generation, though. I recall third wave feminism has introduced a bit of an over-correction in some ways. Many of the women on Sexual activity in the City couldn't cook and were proud of it, some women don't shave their underarms, and some are proud of their inability/lack of desire to employ makeup. And that's fine—if you don't want to shave or vesture eyeliner, don't, only that doesn't make y'all a "better" feminist than women that similar cooking or lipstick. Don't shame other women who have an interest in typically female activities. That doesn't make them "bad" feminists. Feminism is about women being able to make their own decisions and having equal opportunities, whether that'south being a firefighter, a stay-at-abode mom, an ad exec, or a lady with seriously on-point brows.
That'southward not all of it, only I retrieve those are the biggest reasons "you lot don't demand makeup" statements irk me. I KNOW I don't need makeup, and I am not some lone, enlightened human in this realm. The vast bulk of people who enjoy makeup know they don't demand information technology, besides. Nosotros besides don't need flattering dress, soft sheets, that pretty necklace, a pint of porter, or succulent chocolates, just when I talk about my dear of chocolate, people don't immediately tell me "don't swallow your feelings, in that location are healthier means to deal with your emotions" (or at to the lowest degree if they do, most people recognize that's a pretty douchey thing to say). Don't shame people for enjoying something completely benign. A beloved of makeup does not equate a hatred of oneself!
Now, if you are thinking to yourself "hey, I'chiliad only saying something overnice! Don't get your panties in such a twist, larn how to take a compliment!", I would similar to encourage you to start handing out compliments at more opportune times. If anybody has ever told y'all "you don't need to lose weight, you look peachy!" right after yous've turned down dessert, you know how insincere such "compliments" sound when they are and then obviously inspired by the assumption you dislike something about yourself—like you were angling for compliments, even though you lot weren't. If somebody truly looks lovely, and yous take a 18-carat compliment to pay, say so. Don't wait until it'll audio like you're saying "I think y'all hate yourself and am throwing a pity compliment at y'all considering I retrieve yous need it."
I think information technology should become without saying that if you lot know somebody very well, and are truly worried about their self esteem, alcohol consumption, or that quantity of egg salad they consume, please say something. Accost it in a genuine, concerned style, in a non-public forum. That is what truthful friends are for.
Anyway, those are my thoughts on telling people they "don't demand" makeup. What do yous call up? Have yous said similar things to friends or family members? What were your intentions? How do you experience when people say something similar to y'all?
Source: https://www.humblebeeandme.com/dont-tell-me-i-dont-need-makeup/
Posted by: oneallaremas.blogspot.com
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